I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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