I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We just shotgunned beers for America
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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