So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize