Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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