Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
