If that was your dad, he is hot
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
