onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
