I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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