EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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