I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just high enough for therapy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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