the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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