He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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