If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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