What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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