My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
