Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
