i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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