I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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