so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
