Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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