I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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