but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
