Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
