I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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