youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
