Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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