I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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