bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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