I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
