my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
