If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
