I wanna passion pit in your ass
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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