it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
