Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
