I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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