ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
