my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
