I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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