We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
