The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
