Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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