You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He better not be in your backpack
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
