i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
