Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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