he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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