Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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