FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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