Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
