I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
