are you still at the devil's house?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
