Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
