i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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