shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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