Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
