so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
