yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
our cab driver is having phone sex.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
