for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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