Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
