it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
