well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
