wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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