That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
