the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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