I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
