i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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