I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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