so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
