haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
