So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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