So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
