im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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