I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
