I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
